February 11, 2011

The Unlovable Borderline

There is a lot of stigma about Borderline Personality Disorder and interpersonal relationships, particularly romantic relationships. If you've ever gone looking for it, there is a whole lot of information on the internet for those afflicted by the Borderline... um, sorry, I mean those in relationships with Borderlines. For the Borderline this can be horrifying and daunting, to go looking for information to help you with your disease and instead find entire websites devoted to helping your spouse divorce you without you killing yourself. Very uplifting stuff, right?

So I obviously went through a whole lot of tears thinking I wasn't capable of having a stable relationship. Not only was I not capable, but I didn't deserve one either because of this dirty, dirty disease. At the time my relationship was very tumultuous, so that did nothing to assuage my fears that I was doomed to a life with horribly volcanic and angry arguments and dramas in my love life. My relationship was on-again, off-again due to a variety of factors that truly weren't solely to do with me and my disease, and as they say it really does take two to tango.

Eventually though things started evening out. It was like my relationship was ironing its own kinks out, and on Sunday I will be celebrating the five year anniversary with my partner, M. We've been living together for a year now, and things are better than I had ever expected. Arguments are rare, and we do all those things I thought I would never do with anyone. We go to the nursery to buy plants for our little outdoor dining area, do laundry and make dinner on weeknights. All truly mundane things I thought that I, as a Borderline, would never be able to do with someone.

It truly is like my life is being spent looking for new and exciting ways to give my illness to finger, and in so many ways I am succeeding. So Borderline? Fuck you!

1 comment:

  1. The day a therapist first assaulted me with 'borderline personality disorder' as a possible diagnosis, the first thing i did was google it. and yeah, pretty much all i found was info on how to avoid being 'trapped' into being in any form of relationship with the terrible BPD ogres who dare to walk the earth looking like the rest of humanity. eurgh.