I'm fat. So?

A subject that is very close to my heart as a fat woman is the body/fat acceptance movement. I wouldn't say that I am politically involved in the movement, and nor would I say that I am hugely read on the subject, but I absolutely support the acceptance of ourselves and each other. I am strongly opposed to fat shaming and believe in the HAES principle. 

In fact, I have ended friendships if people have shown venom towards fat people, because quite frankly I don't buy that "I hate all ______ people, except you, of course!" bullshit. If you hate fat people, then you feel the same thing for me, you're just too chicken shit to tell me to my face.

So imagine my annoyance when someone makes the comment that they find it "disturbing". Oh, I'm sorry you find my body type disturbing. You know what I find disturbing? I find it disturbing that we encourage people to hate themselves, and we shame them for their appearance - often resorting to nasty comments, abuse and scare tactics. I find it much more disturbing to see people hating themselves, not accepting and loving themselves.

I find it disturbing that it is absolutely unacceptable in society to make fun of or shame someone because of their appearance... except if they're fat. If they're fat then it is absolutely acceptable because fat people are disgusting and a drain on society! Except, you know, they aren't. 

I'm not going to write a whole blog post about my hatred of assholes who think it is okay to tell fat people to starve themselves, or tell me I must eat McDonald's every meal time (except, you know, I don't), or any number of things I could talk about when it comes to people who should remove their heads from their rectums. If you want to talk about that, go check out #thingsfatpeoplearetold on Twitter. Some of the posts may astound, shock and horrify you. 

What I do want to talk about is love. I absolutely believe we should all love and accept ourselves, because we are all different and unique. We all have different size and shaped noses. We have different lips, eyebrows, hair colour/thickness/length. We all have different heights, and we all have different weights. That is it, the end. We have different weights. Naturally. There is no "healthy weight all human beings should fit into". That is bullshit. BMI is bullshit. The sooner you realise that, the happier you'll be.

So once we get our head around that, I want you to go look in the mirror. Look at that flab on your tummy, or maybe you have none at all. Maybe your ass is big and orange peel-y. Maybe it is flat and small. Maybe you have big boobs that pop out of every shirt you wear, no matter what. Maybe you have small breasts. No matter how tall or short you are, how fat or thin or somewhere in the middle you are. No matter if you have big boobs, no boobs, man boobs or wonky boobs. There is nothing wrong with the way you look. At all. Nothing. 

It is a hard concept to get your mind around. Sometimes I look in the mirror, particularly those mirrors in department store dressing rooms where I can see every inch of my body in all its steatopygian fatty glory, and I despise what I look. I scrutinise my gigantic ass which has no real separation from my thighs, the stomach that hangs over a bit, and I hate what I look like. Sometimes I think of really bad things to do to my body because of those horrible thoughts. It took me a really long time to realise it wasn't me looking through my eyes and hating what I saw... it was everyone else. When I looked at myself with those eyes I was hearing every nasty word hurled at me about my appearance and applied them to myself. I don't have a problem with me, everyone else does. 

Everyone else seems to be offended by my body, and that isn't my fucking problem, frankly. If you think I am disgusting and so seriously offensive, I'd advise you seek therapy instead of projecting onto me. After all, I'm not the one with the problem here. You think my fat is giving me massive health problems? I have no health problems stemming from my weight. I do, however, have self-esteem problems, and developed an eating disorder after being screamed at about my body for 17 years. My fat will kill me? Unlikely, though my former pack-a-day cigarette habit might. However, even if I develop some freak health problems related to my weight, it won't affect you in the slightest. I'll be the one that is sick, and no doubt the huge amount of tax I pay to the government will cover my medical bills. My weight, and my health, is none of your business, so you can kindly keep your nose out of my business, and everyone else's.

Accept and love your body for what it is, because it belongs to you and because of that it is special.

Find this post interesting? These links might be up your alley!
Shameless Mag - Myth One: Fat Is Unhealthy
Fat Heffalump - It's Easy, Just Starve.
The Rotund - "Concern Trolling"

We need to talk about bullying

I think that every single person who reads this blog has come across bullying in some way or another. Some of you may have been bullied, seen bullying or were bullies (or any combination of those three), so it isn't hard to learn that bullying exists in some capacity in almost every school around the world.

In my opinion, bullying is a major problem in schools today and can lead to long-term suffering for the victim in the form of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and even suicide. It is estimated that in the UK anywhere from 15-25 children will commit suicide due to bullying. Isn't that scary?

So what exactly is bullying?

Bullying includes, but is not limited to, name-calling, alienation and exclusion, punching, pinching, kicking, teasing and coercion. Victims of bullying often become isolated from their peers because of their exclusion from group activities, the bullying of their friends (who eventually stop associating with them) and criticising them based on the way they dress, physical features, disability, race, class, hobbies or gender.

Schoolyard bullying can happen in the classroom, in halls, toilets, on the playground, on the way to and from school (on buses or on the route walked home) and anywhere that isn't under the eye of a teacher. It is horribly common and the results of bullying can be sometimes devastating.

A lot of people who are bullied will often not report it to their teachers or parents, or they did so at one point and nothing was done about it. Bullying can often be dismissed by adults in power which only reinforces the individual's feelings of low self-esteem.

So what can be done about bullying? In a lot of schools here in Australia there are a growing number of students and teachers starting anti-bullying campaigns and this increased awareness of the severity of bullying will lead parents and teachers to be more alert for bullying and to take reports of bullying seriously. I think bullies need to start being punished rather than be let get away with it. Bullies will never learn that their behaviour is wrong if they do not receive any form of negative response.

Obviously the one thing you can do is report it if you are being bullied or if you see someone being bullied. Be brave, stand up and say something... you could save someone's life.

Wednesday's child is full of woe

Recently I have been involving myself in various mental health support forums and am finding it for the most part to be fairly rewarding, but... I find myself getting very frustrated and annoyed by the number of people who are so absorbed in their own self hatred that they completely disregard or contradict anything anyone tries to do or say out of concern for them.

It is sad and really detrimental to their recovery because they will drive away anyone that would have tried to help them. I won't even offer a kind word to these people any more because they don't listen, so when the time comes when they've decided to get proactive and work towards their recovery, suddenly no one will be there. It is like some horrible real-life Boy Who Cried Wolf.

I really think the key is to boost self esteem and challenge negative thinking before it consumes you. There are so many different ways to start building your self confidence and starting to challenge negative thoughts. These can be as simple as giving yourself positive affirmations and can go all the way to identifying negative thinking and challenging it.

Here are some links to get you started!
- Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide
- Feeling OK about who you are
- Self-Esteem
- Challenging negative self-talk
- Thought Awareness
- Overcoming low self-esteem (this entire series of work books is AMAZING, not just the self-esteem module!)